Behind the Bars Read online

  “What’s wrong?” he asked again.

  “Everything.”

  He glanced down the hallway and then held his hand out. “Okay. Let’s go.”

  I sniffled nonstop as Elliott and I sat on top of the closed dumpster in the alleyway of Frenchmen Street, listening to the music playing in the bars we weren’t allowed to step foot inside. We’d been there for hours, watching the sun start to fade into night.

  “You’re really leaving?” Elliott asked, his voice low as he fiddled with his fingers. His round, thin-framed glasses sat on his face, hiding the hazel eyes I loved, and his lips were turned down.

  I nodded, unable to stop looking at him, even though he couldn’t bring himself to turn my way. “Yes.”

  We hardly knew each other, but we knew enough.

  My year in New Orleans had come and gone too fast. Each hour felt like minutes, and each minute felt like seconds. Time—that was all we wanted. We both craved a little more time, and there was never enough of it.

  We’d spent so much time behind those bars, listening to different types of music and making promises we couldn’t keep—promises of futures and dreams, of us keeping in touch, of forever.

  We were only sixteen years old, but our hearts felt older whenever we were together. Before I met Elliott, I thought loneliness was a thing I’d always feel. Then he found me with his music and everything changed. If I’d had it my way, I would’ve stayed with him, but, as life taught me, sixteen-year-olds didn’t get to make those decisions.

  We were simply supposed to follow wherever the adults led us.

  “Where are you guys going this time?” he asked.

  I hated the feeling in my gut. I hated how I felt so unimportant to Mama. I’d been homeschooled my whole life, and it wasn’t until Ray got the contract in New Orleans that I got a glimpse of what a true life could feel like…what it felt like to have a bed in the same place, to go to an actual school…what a best friend looked like, what home meant—and now I was losing it all.

  “London. We’ll be over there for a while.”

  He turned toward me, searching for a bit of hope in my eyes. “And then you’ll come back here?”

  I frowned. We never went back.

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  He frowned too, because he didn’t believe me. “How much does it cost to call overseas?”

  “Probably a lot.”

  “This is good, though. It’s going to help your career.”

  “I don’t want a career,” I told him, speaking honestly. “I just want to stay with you.”

  “I want you to stay, but if it’s good for you, I want you to go.”

  “Don’t make logical sense,” I stated softly. “I hate when you make logical sense.”

  “Just think, if you make enough m-money, you can move back h-here and buy a big house with big trees, and you can sit on the porch drinking iced tea. Your own place… a home of your own…”

  I sighed. “Yes.” I lowered my voice and looked down at my hands. “But I don’t want to leave you. You’re my only friend. And Ray is my only family.” The only family that cared, at least.

  Elliott took note of how my body reacted, how my hands shook a bit, how my voice slightly cracked. He sat up straighter. “Do you think this will really help your career?”

  “My mom does.”

  He inched a bit closer to me and kicked his feet back and forth. “That’s not what I asked.”

  “Yeah, I know.” I raced my hands through my thick, black hair that matched Mama’s. “But that’s all that matters.”

  Elliott looked at me and smiled, though his eyes appeared so heavy and sad. “You want to run away with me tonight?”

  Yes.

  Please.

  Anywhere.

  Let’s go.

  “I wish,” I whispered.

  He turned away from me and went back to fiddling with his fingers. “Me too.”

  “Will you tell your sister I said bye?”

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you.” For a few minutes, we sat on that dumpster, pretending our lives weren’t about to change forever. We sat and listened to the music blaring in The Jazz Lounge. We listened to the rhythm and blues over at Jo’s Catz. We smiled at the sound of the bluegrass at Mikey’s Tavern. For a few minutes, we lived in the moment.

  “You’re my favorite person, Jazz,” Elliott told me in such a low voice, I wondered if I’d heard him right. I loved that he called me Jazz, because it was his favorite kind of music to play. Yes, Ray was a great musician, but no one could play a saxophone like Elliott could.

  “You’re my favorite person, too. I’m going to miss your music.”

  “I’m going to miss your voice.”

  My lips parted to speak, but no words came. What else could I say?

  It was crazy how much my heart hurt that night. I hadn’t known Elliott for long at all, only a few months that felt like forever. We were complete opposites in so many ways. I was the popular new girl, and he, the bullied shy boy. Where I was outgoing, he was tame. Where I was lost, he was the roadmap home.

  And now, we had to say goodbye.

  “Jazz?”

  “Yes?”

  “Make me a promise?”

  “Okay.”

  Elliott scooted closer and moved his hands to my cheeks, making me turn to face him. “If she ever makes you feel like you’re not yourself…” I closed my eyes at those words, and tears started to fall down my cheeks. Elliott’s thumbs wiped them away each time they fell as he kept talking. “If she ever hurts you and you need to run, run back here. Run back to me and I’ll take care of you forever. I’ll always take care of you, okay?”

  “Okay, I promise.”

  He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He took one off his keychain and handed it to me. “This is a spare key to my family’s house. You should keep it.”

  “Why?”

  “In my family, whenever we go through good times or bad, we give each other a key. It stands for a reminder that you always have a place called home, no matter what. Plus, whenever you’re having a bad day, you can hold the key and remember that you aren’t alone, not really. It’s your st-strength on the hard days. It’s a reminder so you know you always have a home to come back to.”

  I held the key tight in my fist. “Thank you, Eli.”

  “Always, Jazz.”

  We sat behind the bars that night until the music faded away. After the sounds were gone, we sat a bit longer, wanting to stay in the same place until the music grew loud the next day.

  Then, when we ran out of time, we both stood up.

  Elliott wrapped his arms around me, and I pressed myself against him.

  He pulled away slightly and combed my hair behind my ears. Our eyes locked—his zoomed in on my brown eyes, and I studied his hazel stare. I loved his face. I loved every part of him, really, but my gosh did I love his face.

  We didn’t say it, but we felt it that night.

  Love.

  He was so skinny and fragile, and I swore I weighed three times as much as him, but he loved me just as much as I loved him. He was all bones, and I was all meat. His skin was painted caramel, and mine was white as cream. We were polar opposites. We weren’t meant to fall for one another, but when we blended together, we were some kind of beautiful.

  If it weren’t for Elliott, I would’ve always thought love was supposed to be jaded. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have ever learned what it meant to be young and free. All my life, I’d been caged, and Elliott opened my door and allowed me to fly.

  “We’ll email each other,” he swore. “All the time, we’ll email each other.”

  “Okay.”

  “Jazz?”

  “Yes, Eli?”

  “I’m going to k-kiss you now?”

  I snickered, a chill running down my spine. “Is that a question?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  Tears rolled down my cheeks and
I closed my eyes. “I’ve never been kissed.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “But…”

  I nodded. “I know. It turns out all the guys before you weren’t interested in kisses,” I said with shame in my voice.

  “It’s okay,” he promised. “I’ve never been kissed either.”

  I nodded, my stomach filled with nerves. “I hate that our first kiss is also going to be our last.”

  “No. This won’t be the last time. The next time we see each other the first thing I’m going to do is kiss you for everything we missed. The next time I kiss you, it’s going to mean forever.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  And I felt his promise, too. I gasped lightly as his lips brushed against mine. He kissed me so gently, yet I felt it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. It was sweet, and sad, and happy, and real.

  So, so real.

  So that’s what it’s supposed to feel like. That’s how my heart is supposed to beat.

  This is love.

  Even though I was leaving the next day, I believed I’d be okay. I’d be okay because Elliott had shown me what true love was meant to feel like and taste like, and nothing could ever steal that feeling away from me. Even when life got dark, that feeling would sit in the back of my mind.

  Elliott Adams, his love, and his gentle kisses that promised me forever.

  Chapter Twelve

  Elliott

  For the past week, Mom had been frowning at me over dinner. She could see my sadness, but I tried to hide it so she wouldn’t be so sad.

  “I’m fine,” I told her, twirling around the pasta on my plate with my fork.

  “It’s okay if you aren’t,” she told me. Katie had a grimace on her face, too. They both felt so bad for me. “It’s okay to not be okay all the time.”

  I shrugged. “Can I go to my room? I’m not that hungry.”

  “Of course. Let me know if you need anything, and I know it’s a school night, but if you want to play video games with Jason, that’s fine by me,” Mom said, hoping to make me smile.

  I smiled for her. “Okay.”

  “I love you, Eli.”

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  I lay in my bed and put in my earbuds to listen to music. The saddest part of jazz music was how each song affected you differently based on your own mood. Some of my favorite songs made me want to cry, while others made me want to throw my iPod against a wall.

  I missed her.

  She’d been gone for six days, and I missed her more than I’d known I could miss a person. We’d emailed each other, but we were never really able to talk. When she was sleeping, I was awake; when she was going about her day, I was in bed. It was tough, learning about what was happening in her life after it had already happened.

  School wasn’t any easier with Jasmine gone. If anything, it was worse. Katie did her best to watch my back, but Todd and his gang were back to harassing me full steam ahead.

  A new semester meant a new class schedule, and I was lucky enough to have Todd or one of his friends in five out of seven of my classes.

  The worst one was fifth period gym class, where I had three of them at once.

  “You think you can just get away with breaking my nose, freak?” Todd hissed behind me as I sat in the locker room while two of his followers held me down. “Now that your whore girlfriend is gone, you don’t have any kind of pussy to protect you,” he said, spitting at me.

  I didn’t say anything back to him, because words never worked.

  “Just wait for it, sunshine. You’re going to get what’s coming to you. But, it’s kind of sad now. Now that I can’t fuck your whore anymore, I’m gonna need someone new.” He smirked. “I mean, your sister has a great rack, and let’s be honest, everyone’s already seen those titties, so I might as well see what they taste like, too.”

  My hands formed fists, and I leaped up, wanting to slug him, but his friends held me down.

  I’m not strong enough.

  I’m not strong enough.

  “If yo-you t-touch her!” I warned, and they all laughed.

  “I-I-If I to-to-touch her what?” Todd mocked me. “I’m gonna touch her all right. I’m gonna touch every inch of her, and then I’m going to kick your ass for my nose, loser. You’ll never see it coming. Your life is officially a ticking time bomb, and I’m going to destroy you.”

  I tried again to get loose from the jerks’ grips, but I couldn’t.

  I’m not strong enough.

  I’m not strong enough.

  “Let him go, guys,” Todd ordered, and the two pushed me backward on the bench, making my head slam against the lockers.

  My mind was spinning, and I didn’t have a clue what to do, how to protect my sister, how to make sure nothing happened to her. If anything happened to her, I’d never forgive myself. If anyone touched her…

  I couldn’t stop my skin from crawling as I paced and pushed my glasses up my nose. There was only one thing I could do, and I didn’t care if it made me a loser, didn’t care if it made me look weak. The only thing I cared about was protecting my sister, which meant going straight to my mom.

  If there was anyone who could fix this, it was her, and it didn’t take long for her to swoop right in.

  A few days later, Mom, Katie, and I sat in the principal’s office with Todd and his parents beside us. Katie hadn’t looked up once, and my hands fiddled in my lap.

  “You do know that this is a big allegation, Mrs. Adams,” Principal Williams warned, sitting back in his chair. “Saying Todd would do something like this—”

  “I wouldn’t!” Todd insisted, looking innocent as ever. “I would never do anything like that to a girl.”

  Jesus. He should’ve really considered becoming an actor. If I hadn’t known he was the devil, I would’ve believed the jerk.

  Katie huffed, rolling her eyes. Mom was livid. Her fingers tapped against the arms of the chair. “There has to be something that can be done about this, some kind of action that can be taken against him. I don’t feel comfortable having my daughter walking the same halls as this boy, and you shouldn’t either. Frankly, you should be concerned about all of your female students’ safety!” she barked.

  “This is absurd,” Mr. Clause groaned, rolling his eyes. “I can’t believe I was pulled out of work for something so pointless. Todd hasn’t even done anything.”

  “He threatened to rape my daughter!” Mom shouted, ten seconds past pissed off. “If you think that’s absurd and not worthy of some form of discipline, then that’s terrifying, to say the least.”

  “Oh, come on. Are we not going to address the elephant in the room?” Mrs. Clause said, gesturing toward Katie. “Can we really take anything to heart when it’s about this girl?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Mom asked.

  My stomach twisted in knots, and Katie’s eyes widened with fear.

  “Mom, forget it. I want to go,” Katie whispered, tugging at her arm. “This is stupid.”

  “No,” Mom stated sternly, still looking at Mrs. Clause. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that your daughter was the girl of the year last year for screwing multiple boys at a house party. The video went viral. I’m surprised you didn’t see it.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Mom asked.

  “I just think it’s ridiculous. My son wouldn’t want to go anywhere near a girl like her,” Mrs. Clause barked.

  “A girl like her?” Mom was red in the face and seconds away from exploding.

  “You know—easy.”

  “How dare you!” Mom shouted. “Your son’s a little shithead who deserves punishment for his actions.”

  “Even if he said it, they’re just words, not actions,” Mr. Clause corrected.

  “Really,” Mom hissed, flabbergasted. “Is that how you raise your son?”

  Principal Williams tried to cut in to stop the arguing, but that ship had sailed.

  “It’
s better than how you raise yours! One child is running around the school as a little slut, and the other can’t even articulate a whole sentence. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have a father figure for them to take after,” Mrs. Clause said with revulsion.

  Mom leaped from her chair and marched toward Mrs. Clause, and I was quick to grab her arm to stop her. When she looked at me, her eyes were wild, as if she were moments away from killing for her cubs.

  “It’s o-okay, Mom,” I told her.

  “Yeah, Mom. Let’s go,” Katie begged.

  Mom’s eyes watered. She looked at Principal Williams and harshly said, “I don’t know how much they are paying you, or giving to this school in order to control your damn mind, but these are my children. This is your job. Do something,” before she turned and marched out of the office, ordering Katie and me to follow her.

  We hurried our way to the car. She flung the driver’s door open and quickly sat inside, slamming it shut behind her. I slid into the back seat, and Katie took shotgun. Mom’s hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, and her breaths were uneven.

  “I’m so sorry, Mom,” Katie finally choked out, tears falling down her face. “I…”

  “Is that why you stopped hanging out with those friends?” Mom asked.

  Katie nodded. “It was a stupid party, and, and I was too scared to tell you and embarrassed and…I’m sorry,” Katie cried.

  Mom turned to her and locked eyes with my sister. She placed her hands on her shoulders. “Katlyn Rae Adams, you never, ever have to be ashamed of yourself or too embarrassed to talk to me. Do you understand?”

  Katie nodded. “Yes, Mom.”

  “We are going to talk about this at some point, okay? But right now, I just need to know you’re okay. Are you okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “And those, those—monsters in that office today? Those adults who talked so disgustingly about a child like that? They are the problem. This world is the problem, not you.”