A Love Letter from the Girls Who Feel Everything Read online

  Poetry & Prose

  by bestselling authors

  Brittainy C. Cherry

  and

  Kandi Steiner

  Copyright © 2018 Brittainy C. Cherry and Kandi Steiner

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without prior written consent of the author except where permitted by law.

  The characters and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Published by Brittainy C. Cherry and Kandi Steiner

  Edited by Elaine York/Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting

  Cover Design by Kandi Steiner

  Formatting by Elaine York/Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting

  www.allusiongraphics.com

  Introduction

  Forgotten Words

  Addiction

  If Only

  Anxiety’s Circus

  Drowning

  Survival of the Fittest

  Perhaps

  Waking Lies

  Even On

  Unapologetically

  Lock

  Lost

  Cold

  Better Man

  Air

  Fire

  Water

  Earth

  Patience

  Choices

  The Human

  Lonely Girl

  Remember

  Scars

  Pleasing

  Go

  You

  Time

  One Day

  Enough

  Chase

  Enemies

  Pillowcase

  Riot

  Misplaced Warmth

  Gray Area

  Smells Like You

  Diamond

  Unmoved

  Answer Me

  Light

  Moments

  Power

  Dreams

  If You Knew

  Drunken Orgasm

  Which is Worse

  How to Love the Scars

  My Favorite Things

  Sweet Love

  Middle of the Night

  Still Here

  In Your Arms

  Mask

  Sorry, Not Sorry

  Go

  Lessons Learned

  Less

  Run

  Your Name

  Cool Girl

  Royal

  Games

  Morning

  Kiss Me

  Romance

  3, 2, 1

  Solo

  I Love You

  Pause

  A Point

  Mistake

  Morning Dew

  Warm

  Tragic

  Nightfall

  The Hanging Tree

  Slow

  Before and After

  The Walk

  Sundays

  Still

  Singed Wings

  Math

  The Gift

  Easy

  Grand Gesture

  Thank You

  More from Brittainy C. Cherry

  More from Kandi Steiner

  About the Authors

  Dear Reader,

  It is with shaking hands and full hearts that we write this letter to you. In a time when texting is the most popular mode of communication, we want to take you back a few decades. Close your eyes and imagine, if you will, someone you care for deeply handing you a small, folded piece of notebook paper with your name scrawled lovingly across the top fold.

  Can you see their handwriting?

  Can you feel your cheeks heating, your smile splitting your face as you hold that sheet of paper close to your heart with a sigh?

  We don’t know how long it’s been since you last received a love note. Perhaps it was in middle school, from the boy two desks over. Maybe it was while you were in the military, from the girl back home waiting for your return. Or, perhaps it was just yesterday, from someone you’ve loved for years — or someone you love only silently, not yet saying those three words out loud.

  Whichever it may be, allow us to bring you into the following pages with warmth and understanding. We get it. In a time when feelings are shameful, when being the “cool girl” or “disinterested guy” is the goal, when admitting you feel anything other than indifference is a sign of weakness — we are your allies.

  We are the girls who feel everything.

  And this is our love letter. To you, to them, to us, to the world, to no one at all. Whether it’s the brightest, sunniest day where everything is perfect, or the darkest, dreariest night of rain where life seems unbearable — we have lived it, we have survived it, and we have felt every, blissful, aching second.

  Here’s to embracing the feels, to the brave souls that listen to the way their hearts beat and aren’t afraid to ask someone else if they feel those same beats, too. Here’s to the girls, the boys, the love we sometimes share and the love we all-too-often conceal.

  And more than anything, Reader — here’s to you.

  Love always,

  Brittainy & Kandi

  Maybe we should’ve spoken

  while the coffee brewed each day.

  Maybe we should’ve stated

  the things that kept hurting us.

  Maybe words would’ve helped

  keep us from falling apart.

  But maybe,

  by mistake,

  we simply forgot.

  Forgotten Words

  — B

  You left my place, and I cursed out loud

  Falling

  To the floor

  To the ground

  Because you weren’t supposed to matter

  And suddenly

  You were the only thing

  I didn’t want to put down

  Addiction

  — K

  If only you knew your worth wasn’t

  determined by the way he moaned as he

  tasted your skin.

  If Only

  — B

  I walk the tight rope,

  heart beating

  chest aching —

  balancing on hope,

  crashing on doubt.

  To everyone around me

  I am stable —

  smooth as glass,

  breathing soundly,

  but inside, I shout.

  Please don’t fall —

  left foot

  right foot

  capturing the eyes of all.

  Breathe in, breathe out.

  Anxiety’s Circus

  — K

  I’d rather drown in

  a million truths

  than breathe in

  one

  dirty

  lie.

  Drowning

  — B

  In a time when dating isn’t dating,

  when loving makes you weak,

  when the person who cares less

  holds the most power,

  and feelings are never spoken of...

  How does the girl who loves openly

  survive

  against the boy

  who never allows himself to love at all?

  Survival of the Fittest

  — K

  Perhaps it wasn’t a mistake,

  yet merely a book that needed to

  end.

  Sometimes the final line

  isn’t as enchanting as
the

  opening.

  Perhaps

  — B

  I fell into a dream last night,

  and only then did I discover,

  That though I say that I’m okay,

  I don’t want you with another.

  Waking Lies

  — K

  Even on your worst days:

  When you can’t control your thoughts.

  When the tears come faster than your breaths.

  When your mind lies to you and says you’re worthless.

  He’ll stay.

  The one who’s meant for you will always stay.

  If he doesn’t:

  Sweet baby.

  Queen of all queens.

  Let

  Him

  Go.

  Even On

  — B

  Live boldly and unapologetically

  and seek people who do the same.

  Unapologetically

  — K

  There doesn’t always have to be a cage to

  keep someone locked in.

  Sometimes memories are the strongest

  form of imprisonment.

  Lock

  — B

  How wonderful,

  the moment when you realize

  Lost is not a place

  or a tragedy

  but a rare journey

  a beautiful state

  of Discovery.

  Lost

  — K

  The world made me cold.

  He made it his mission to thaw me.

  Cold

  — B

  I knew you’d be better without me before you did.

  Everyone thought you would fail,

  but not me.

  Because once I left,

  you had to stand.

  You had no other choice.

  You couldn’t sit and let me carry you anymore.

  No, you had to stand.

  And standing made you realize you wanted to walk.

  Then you wanted to run.

  And in the end,

  I left so you could become a better man.

  For another woman.

  Who isn’t me.

  Better Man

  — K

  His words lingered,

  gentle like the wind.

  The whispers felt a touch like love,

  yet his lips tasted more like sin.

  Air

  — B

  If there is a way for you

  to see me: the parts that burn.

  Don’t try to extinguish me.

  Instead see

  the heartbeats

  within

  the flames.

  Fire

  — B

  He shows up in waves:

  When I’m close to moving on.

  When I almost let go.

  When I see the shore.

  Then he tries to

  drown me.

  Water

  — B

  I float back down to

  solid ground.

  You aren’t the one for me.

  No more blatant lies.

  No more gaslighting.

  No more promises of a future you’ve never dreamed of achieving.

  I face reality.

  Earth

  — B

  She was patient

  like the moon

  perfectly content

  waiting for the sun

  that would illuminate

  her shadows.

  She had no patience

  for the sun who tried

  to eclipse her

  for she had no desire

  to be hidden.

  She wanted to shine, too —

  side by side.

  Only then

  would a sun’s company

  be better

  than her own solitude.

  Patience

  — K

  I don’t want to lose you,

  and so I lose

  a little

  of myself,

  instead.

  Because I want nothing more than to keep you

  in the sheets you’ve always fled.

  Choices

  — K

  How beautiful it is to be human.

  That we can fall asleep

  drowning

  in tears

  and pain

  but wake to a new sunrise

  on a new day

  with a dry face.

  The Human

  — K

  It was on the silent nights,

  the ones she spent alone,

  that she understood lonely was not the absence of another person,

  but rather the absence

  of self-love.

  Lonely Girl

  — K

  When he thinks of me

  I hope he remembers the sunsets

  instead of the erratic storms.

  Remember

  — B

  There is all this fear around being hurt. Hurt by feelings, by loving — knowing that love could be unanswered or worse, given and then taken away.

  But why?

  Is it not pain that we credit for our strength? Is it not hurt that peels back the layers to reveal our true self? Is it not in our weakest moments that we discover just how much we can endure?

  I am not afraid of love, or the scars it may leave behind.

  Those scars are proof that I have lived.

  Scars

  — K

  It’s pleasing to me

  the way your heartbeats

  kiss my ears.

  Pleasing

  — B

  All this is easy

  easy for him

  him who I love

  love that I know

  know will kill me in the end

  the end which is near

  near to me he whispers

  whispers empty words

  words that make me feel

  feel is what I shouldn’t do

  do I let him go?

  Go, I said

  said too late.

  Go

  — K

  It’s funny how love can come at bad times.

  I wasn’t ready for yours.

  You were ready for mine.

  I compared you to my others,

  even though you were nothing alike.

  Because of past hurts.

  Because of past pains.

  Because of a heart unhealed.

  When you left, I knew I was the only one to blame.

  But when I think of my favorite days

  my mind always crosses over to

  you.

  You

  — B

  The elasticity of Time has always intrigued me.

  How astounding it is that a moment in time can feel like it occurred ages ago and like it happened only yesterday all at once. Sometimes, Time is a friend, a healer, a lover holding our hand as we walk through hell. But other times, Time is an enemy, bringing us back to a time and place that nearly killed us, as if to just remind us that no matter how strong we are now, we were once weak, we were once broken, and we can be again.

  Time

  — K

  One day she decided it was okay for her to feel.

  She embraced the scars from the past and allowed herself to fall apart.

  In the morning, she cried into her coffee.

  At night, she sobbed into her tea.

  Sometimes one had to completely collapse for

  their hearts to be freed.

  One Day

  — B

  Isn’t that the saddest thing of all,

  that love wasn’t enough for me?

  Enough

  — K

  Don’t beg for his attention.

  That’s not how love works.

  Chase

  — B

  What I Know About You

  and How I Feel About You

  are completely at odds.

&
nbsp; Like the oldest of enemies

  at war for reasons they can’t remember

  never a winner to be pronounced.

  Enemies

  — K

  He called me beautiful.

  He pulled my hair.

  He whispered sweet nothings

  into the air.

  When my eyes faded,

  he was still there.

  When I awakened the smell of

  his cologne was all that clung to the

  pillowcase.

  Pillowcase

  — B

  There is a riot within me

  that wakes only once the sun has faded

  and the night has become that all-encompassing,

  shapeless,

  heavy blanket around me.

  I laugh freely

  in the daylight,

  but in the dark,

  I am a slave to my anxiety.

  Riot

  — K